The Foundation for Constitutional Democracy

25-Jun-2008

Let’s Be Constructive and Cheerful

Filed under: Humor — eidelberg @ 7:24 am

Aren’t you tired of all the depressing news reported by the media? Aren’t you fed up with the failings of the United States—the bastion of freedom and democracy? Aren’t you dismayed by the hundreds of mosques in the United States preaching jihad? Aren’t you sick of paying more than four dollars per gallon of gasoline?

Are you worried about Iran becoming a nuclear power? Would you like to see President Bush wake up from his torpor and order the US Air Force to bomb Iran? Not a chance. U.S. military forces are tied down in Iraq. American public opinion would call for his impeachment. Besides, bombing Iran will insure Obama’s victory over McCain.

So, let’s ignore dismal reportage and lighten up.

  1. 1. Enter Don Quixote and the power of positive thinking.

  2. 2. Benjamin Netanyahu will be Israel’s next prime minister and Caroline Glick will be his minister of foreign affairs.

  3. 3. Netanyahu will order an attack on Iran before President Bush’s term expires. At the same time, Israeli commandoes will take over the major Saudi oil fields, after which the price of oil will drop to $20 a barrel. All the Saudi brothels on the Riviera will shut down.

  4. 4. The Israel Defense Forces will pulverize Syria, destroy Hezbollah, and eliminate Hamas as well as the entire terrorist network of the Palestinian Authority.

  5. 5. Netanyahu will abrogate Oslo and declare Jewish sovereignty over Judea, Samaria, and Gaza. Ha’aretz will close down.

  6. 6. The United Nations will condemn Israel. Israel will then resign from the UN. So will Micronesia.

  7. 7. The UN will declare economic sanctions against Israel, but no European country will comply.

  8. 8. TIME Magazine will name Netanyahu “Man of the Year,” who will be made an honorary citizen of Texas.

  9. 9. John McCain will win the 2008 presidential election and will have the US embassy in Tel Aviv move to Jerusalem.

  10. 10. Muslims throughout the world will renounce Jihad and adopt the Sermon on the Mount as their credo.

You got a better idea?